Journal Challenge - Day 3 - Memories

 *Write about the last memory that made you happy. What does it feel like in your body?

ANY TRAVEL EXPERIENCE.

Especially if it is with my friend - Jolanta :) It's always fun and adventurous. Different experiences, new foods, couple of drinks. It makes me miss her a lot and all the good times we have spent together. But it also gives me a lot of great emotions and memories and longing to go travelling again. And with Jolanta is it the freedom and carefree days that make these trips so memorable. 

Malta

Marocco

Marocco

London

Journal Challenge - Day 2 - Skills

 *Write about a skill you are grateful for. Why?

Hard skills represent things you've learned to do or use—like tools, technologies, or proficiencies. Soft skills are interpersonal traits you have developed over time—like effective communication, dependability, or generosity.

Hard Skills

I'm grateful to be able to speak more than one language, multilingual. Even though sometimes I feel like I am forgetting words in one or the other language, I am capable to hold a conversation in Latvian and English. English has become commonly used language, as most of the everyday conversations and work is done in English. If I would spend more time listening, reading and communicating in Russian, I am convinced I could hold a conversation in Russian too. 

It's sometimes really hard to judge yourself, in a good way. To evaluate your skills as I seem to just have them and think that most people would have them and that does not make me feel special. And I feel like I do know how to use certain systems, but not to the extent that I would call myself expert. 

Soft Skills

I'm definitely organized. I like things neat and tidy as well as I like to be prepared for things and think through what needs to be done and what needs to be ordered (for example at work, for kitchen). Sometimes although, making lists and being super organised is tricky, but lately I have become more open-minded and open to changes as well as spontaneity. So to say that I have adaptability to certain situations, people's characters - I'm pretty good at it. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm trying to avoid conflict. And I feel like I'm good at problem solving too. Although I am really good at making things more complicated that they should be. 

I'm grateful for the last couple of years, where I have a lot more focused on myself and learned about how and why I do certain things as well as act certain way. And I want to learn more, I want to read more (so it's really frustrating that I choose to spend my time in front of TV, watching something that doesn't give me any knowledge, just distracts me from the focuses I want in my life) 

Journal Challenge - Day 1 - Setting an intention

 *List at least three things that make you feel grounded. How do you want those things to carry you today? How do they make you feel more connected to yourself and others?

Feeling grounded often means feeling calm, secure, and present in the moment. It’s about being centered and connected to yourself and your surroundings, despite external stress or chaos.

I think my main three things would be: music, meditation and dance. Even though I do none of those regularly. Hopefully this challenge gives me the push I need to stay consistent and actually keep concentrated one thing and finish it. 

Music has always been something that is close to my heart, that always makes me happy or in the right mood. Or brings back great memories that I associate with good events. It's never really just one song or one genre. It depends how I feel and if I want to intensify the feeling or change it. Certain music will lift me up or calm me down. 

I have done different meditations and especially during yoga teachers course, when we meditated for 3 weeks every morning, I could feel the benefits of the time I spend with my own thoughts, without listening to anything or thinking about anything in particular. 

Dance has been part of my life, and during the time in Latvia, when going out and dancing was a big part of my life, I really enjoyed it. Salsa dancing was about community, club dancing is about letting yourself go. There is still part of me that is cautious of what others would think when they see me dance, but lately I have that feeling less and less. 

Today has been an interesting Tuesday, some work meetings didn't really go as planned. But I would feel weird if I put my headphones in to listen to music or take 10 minutes to meditate in the meeting room. So still in back of my head I feel like I would be judged for taking time for myself, during working hours. Sure, I could combine the meditation and music, because lot of times the music I would want to listen to at work would be background, like Moby or Jon Hopkins.

Dance definitely makes me connected to others. Whether it is salsa so you actually are feeling each other, the moves are closer and more intimate. In the club or festival, it's more about the overall vibe, togetherness in enjoying the same music, same atmosphere. So, that makes me feel connected to the world.

When do I feel more connected to myself? Probably during meditation. 

Hanging by the moment

Lifehouse - Hanging by the moment

It’s weird how some songs that are about 15-20 years old come back to me in certain situations and remind me of certain time in my life, certain people and experiences.

How important the lyrics are and how meaningful they are to me. Yes, there is the melody and the beat, but lyrics, even if it’s one verse or only chorus, are so effective. The right lyrics will lift my mood.

Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow

There is definitely some unresolved issues in my life, especially looking at my relationships. Romantic relationships. A friend suggested therapy. A professional who will see through me, through my blocks and see patterns where I hold myself back. I never thought I would need therapy, but maybe it’s worth it. I don’t think I can understand myself on my own no matter how much I think I work on myself.

Live - The Dolphin’s Cry

‘Love will lead us. She will lead us’

Burna Boy, Ed Sheeran - For My Hand

Is it stupid to think that this kind of love exists? How do I find it? Where do I find it? I guess a good start is going to places that make me feel good - work out, dance, climb, meditate.

Stress

Stress is such a funny thing.

There is the type of stress that you feel straight away, when you gotta deal with difficult situation and it makes your blood boil, your heart race and it’s just a moment and it’s over.

Then you have stress that is building up slowly while you do your daily activities, but something in the back of your head (no pun intended - ref pain right now) just starts to hurt. But it’s not like it’s pain, it’s tension!  Tension that you can’t get rid of until you get rid of source of the stress.

The stressor could be a number of things, but this time I think it is the upcoming change. The change in lifestyle, the move to a new country. The fact that I’m leaving my regular/normal life behind and starting a completely new chapter. Chapter that…

Where was my thoughts going there???

Black Gold thoughts

It’s a weird feeling. To sit here in Black Gold, middle of Saturday, looking at all the yachts and Manoel Island in the distance. And to think this is my home now. 

You can see people passing by and some of them are tourists just popping by and looking for a lunch spot, and some, walking faster, on a mission, to get to shops, or work or wherever you te need to get. 

It’s warm. I’m still getting used to the weather and the fact that it can be sunny and +18 at the end of January. 

I hope I never loose the sight of little exciting things. The ones you notice when you go on holidays. The beautiful architecture, the happy people, the new cute restaurants or bars. 

There is a mix of music, songs between the two bars. And sometimes they complement each other, sometimes they clash. But you gotta take it as the way of life. Island life. A way for businesses to make a living, attracting customers. 

Heading to karaoke tonight, and a club later. Not a regular Saturday night for me. I’ve been flying under radar for a bit. Partly it is a finance thing and I have to keep reminding myself (Dave Ramsey) to live like no one so you can live like no one! But partly it’s the fact I’m a lot more choosy on how and who with I spend my time with. And I think it’s a good thing. It’s a growth thing. When you decide what you want to do, not what would make you fit in the crowd. And it is really hard until you accept you can’t be everyone’s friend, and you won’t be able to attend every single party on the island. 

It’s very interesting to see how I have grown over the last couple of years, since I have actually started to pay attention. Pay attention to how I feel, to how I want to be perceived. 

It is still different when I go back home to Latvia. And if I decide, when the decide to move back, it will some adjusting time. Like now. But it might be easier because I would have support of family. Not that I don’t have it now. It would just be closer. 

And I stil have to decide if that’s gonna be a good thing. To have family so close.

Anyway, the verdict on that is still out, and a while away. 

It’s been (how many?) days

I’m sitting now in the Pub and having a pint, waiting for the rugby final game to start. 

It’s been a rollercoaster of a journey to start my life here and there are still so many things that I need to sort before I get fully settled. Like resident card. And then I can donate blood here too, I’m so excited! 

But I have managed to secure an amazing apartment with great landlord in a spot on location. I’m starting a job next week, in a good company with a good title and salary that I am very happy about. It might be an interesting start, but I just have to remember that they chose me from lots of applicants, and I am the one they chose to be part of the team. I am the one they chose to smoothly run their office. I shouldn’t have specific expectations and first listen, learn and observe. I know my value and experience can greatly benefit the company and the team! I am great with people! I know sometimes I just need to step up and stand my ground, lower my niceties and get things done. Then again, I have been quite good so far. And I believe in people, I believe them to be good until they prove me otherwise. And I am hardworking. I don’t fear work. I fear confrontational situations, but if I communicate what I need and want, I’m sure I can avoid those kind of situations before they arise.

All in all, I was walking down through Valletta this evening, and I can’t believe I live here now. It’s a beautiful city and amazing country to be in. The weather is lovely, and there are plenty of things to do, just need to find the right things I want to do.

Like getting back into gym, whether it is work gym or something close to my house. So I can get into shape before next summer hits (which is early in the year, here in Malta).

Like being part of a community where I can develop my social skills and have fun at the same time. Like sailing? Rock climbing. Salsa. Yoga. I want to get back to feeling cheerful and happy, and appreciate life! Without thinking ahead too much, without worrying about future. 

We talked with Jolly today about the prospect of getting a house! And that’s all good and all, but what happens to the house when you die. If neither of us wants children, who gets the house? Give it away? To who? Would you donate it to charity? That, I thought, is a great idea. But otherwise, what assets would I need for my future? Retirement? A place for myself? A way to take care of my mom and my dad, in case something happens. Contribute to the wellness of my grandparents.

Little bit of a monologue, but isn’t this blog all about that? Express myself without getting interrupted, even though noone really is listening. It takes a while for me to express myself, my thoughts, my feelings, and this feels like the only way where I can do that. Not that I do it often, I don’t. I tend to forget that I have this blog. So maybe it’s time to use it more like a journal? Like I used to do the first time I moved to London? Write about daily, weekly events and let all the frustration, if there is any, out and all the excitement. So there is time where I can read back and remember the things I did, the feelings I experienced, events I attended. I will try to get better at this, I really want to. Keep me accountable!P.S. It’s been 82 days.