...just me...

How much (from 1 to 10) do you accept yourself, have positive thoughts about yourself, have healed your wounds and fully love who you are (authentically)? I think maybe couple of years ago, most probably even couple of months ago, I would not be very accepting of myself. There is always something to work towards and something to improve. And that number would have been 6 (?) but I feel like in last months, years (since having lockdown walks and talks with Jolanta) I have progressed and understand myself better. Have improved my communication with myself and people around me. It is not perfect by any means, but it is better. More open. And I think I am becoming more positive, relaxed person who loves herself and continues to work and improve. So, I think it is a 8.5 now.. Have I healed my wounds? I guess the question would be which wounds, to first know and acknowledge them. Maybe one of the reasons I am not putting myself into a relationship is a fear that I will loose myself again. Th

Haven’t been on a date for a long time. What does one do on a date?  Sitting here, waiting for him, because even though I was a little late, he is late late.  What do I say? Even though I’m great with people, I don’t feel like an extrovert. Isn’t that funny? I read a blog once that you can be introverted extrovert. Or extroverted introvert. Would be interesting to know how does one differ from the other.  / Tataki - Argy / I’m more and more thinking that exploring and moving to Malta is a good thing. Shall I just... (what was the thought here?) ...skip to next morning...  short version - date went well. it was fun! looking forward to Sunday, exploring Hackney or Brixton? long version -  Why there is this weird sensation to show your better self, maybe tell the stories a bit better, act like a better human. You won’t judge me. Maybe. But. Everyone judges everyone. On some level.  Although London has definitely taught me to not take everything personally or allowed me to open up my mind.

What exactly is holding me back? Why I keep on giving myself excuses and allowing myself to be lazy, to take a step back, to give up.  Maybe it comes from the ‘don’t be so hard on yourself, you are doing a good job’. Well, maybe I need to do better, or choose the battles I win or lose. Maybe lose is too strong of a word for this, but I do give up. Like in training yesterday. Why did I let go when Paulo was helping me squat? When I clearly could do two more repetitions. Because yes, it is hard, but it’s not gonna break me. Am I scared of trauma, injury or just failure? If it is failure then clearly by giving up and letting go, I am failing myself. Also, the whole talk about holding myself accountable. How can I ensure that I actually do it? There are no consequences to me not getting up at 5am, or not doing chores in house that one day, or not going to gym the whole Easter weekend (for that I got a bit of consequence, when Paulo said imagine what you could have done if you did train har

I keep coming back to this realisation. Especially listening to couple of podcasts. I try to do too many things at the same time. Therefor none of them are done properly. It's like saying that I am good at multi-tasking. None of us are actually multi-tasking. The best you can do is do something physical (like walking that is happening automatic) and have a conversation or listen to a podcast. And it is good to train the ability to focus on more than one thing, like writing a blog post while listening to lyrical music.  Also, how Simon Sinek says, when you meditate, you calm yourself, you learn to focus on one thing, you learn to avoid distractions, so when you have a conversation with someone, you are not distracted, you can fully focus on the person in front of you.  *PT course *yoga on IG *pull ups & TRX work *crochet *painting  I guess writing this list.. I realise that I have actually started to prioritise.. And all the things that come later in the list are hobbies that I