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Hanging by the moment

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Lifehouse - Hanging by the moment It’s weird how some songs that are about 15-20 years old come back to me in certain situations and remind me of certain time in my life, certain people and experiences. How important the lyrics are and how meaningful they are to me. Yes, there is the melody and the beat, but lyrics, even if it’s one verse or only chorus, are so effective. The right lyrics will lift my mood. Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow There is definitely some unresolved issues in my life, especially looking at my relationships. Romantic relationships. A friend suggested therapy. A professional who will see through me, through my blocks and see patterns where I hold myself back. I never thought I would need therapy, but maybe it’s worth it. I don’t think I can understand myself on my own no matter how much I think I work on myself. Live - The Dolphin’s Cry ‘Love will lead us. She will lead us’ Burna Boy, Ed Sheeran - For My Hand Is it stupid to think that this kind of love exists? Ho
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Stress

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Stress is such a funny thing. There is the type of stress that you feel straight away, when you gotta deal with difficult situation and it makes your blood boil, your heart race and it’s just a moment and it’s over. Then you have stress that is building up slowly while you do your daily activities, but something in the back of your head (no pun intended - ref pain right now) just starts to hurt. But it’s not like it’s pain, it’s tension!  Tension that you can’t get rid of until you get rid of source of the stress. The stressor could be a number of things, but this time I think it is the upcoming change. The change in lifestyle, the move to a new country. The fact that I’m leaving my regular/normal life behind and starting a completely new chapter. Chapter that… Where was my thoughts going there???
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Black Gold thoughts

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It’s a weird feeling. To sit here in Black Gold, middle of Saturday, looking at all the yachts and Manoel Island in the distance. And to think this is my home now.  You can see people passing by and some of them are tourists just popping by and looking for a lunch spot, and some, walking faster, on a mission, to get to shops, or work or wherever you te need to get.  It’s warm. I’m still getting used to the weather and the fact that it can be sunny and +18 at the end of January.  I hope I never loose the sight of little exciting things. The ones you notice when you go on holidays. The beautiful architecture, the happy people, the new cute restaurants or bars.  There is a mix of music, songs between the two bars. And sometimes they complement each other, sometimes they clash. But you gotta take it as the way of life. Island life. A way for businesses to make a living, attracting customers.  Heading to karaoke tonight, and a club later. Not a regular Saturday night for me. I’ve been flyin
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It’s been (how many?) days

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I’m sitting now in the Pub and having a pint, waiting for the rugby final game to start.  It’s been a rollercoaster of a journey to start my life here and there are still so many things that I need to sort before I get fully settled. Like resident card. And then I can donate blood here too, I’m so excited!  But I have managed to secure an amazing apartment with great landlord in a spot on location. I’m starting a job next week, in a good company with a good title and salary that I am very happy about. It might be an interesting start, but I just have to remember that they chose me from lots of applicants, and I am the one they chose to be part of the team. I am the one they chose to smoothly run their office. I shouldn’t have specific expectations and first listen, learn and observe. I know my value and experience can greatly benefit the company and the team! I am great with people! I know sometimes I just need to step up and stand my ground, lower my niceties and get things done. Then
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Malta

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I have spent now the first week in Malta and its a bit slower than I imagined it. Living here for sure is very different from being here on holidays. On holidays you relax and if something takes a bit longer, you don't stress, you are on holidays. One needs to get used to the 'island time' a lot of people and businesses are on. My ex-colleague called this month - 'august summer shutdown' which I guess is very accurate considering a lot of people go on holiday, most likely to escape the high heat and high tourism influx. But that makes me question general ways of doing things - if one posts a job offer but then heads out to holiday and has noone else to cover the applications (that to be honest deserves a whole chapter - the new style of job search). Or ways the property market is managed by flat owners and agents. I personally find it crazy that you would have owner who is also willing to pay half of the rent in agency fees. I guess it is a sort of security for them
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What am I scared of?

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-that I will fail -that I will get hurt -that I will be uncomfortable -that I won't be liked STOP feeling sorry for yourself. make a change. if you are happy alone, why bother going on dates? is it just to fill the social expectation? or just to meet new people? everyones expectation is that you want something more. or is it? there is no WHEN I have more money there is no WHEN I live in Malta/Latvia I will do this/that make a change NOW don't fool yourself with requirements from society ADMIT to yourself what is it that you want/like noone else actually cares I have to.. want to.. care for me Am I happy alone? Am I happy overweight? Am I happy to have a debt? What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to do in my life? Is there pressure from outside or do I put pressure on myself thinking that others want me to be certain way or do certain things? Is that my imagination?
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Conversation Cards - Lewis Howes

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How much (from 1 to 10) do you accept yourself, have positive thoughts about yourself, have healed your wounds and fully love who you are (authentically)? I think maybe couple of years ago, most probably even couple of months ago, I would not be very accepting of myself. There is always something to work towards and something to improve. And that number would have been 6 (?) but I feel like in last months, years (since having lockdown walks and talks with Jolanta) I have progressed and understand myself better. Have improved my communication with myself and people around me. It is not perfect by any means, but it is better. More open. And I think I am becoming more positive, relaxed person who loves herself and continues to work and improve. So, I think it is a 8.5 now.. Have I healed my wounds? I guess the question would be which wounds, to first know and acknowledge them. Maybe one of the reasons I am not putting myself into a relationship is a fear that I will loose myself again. Th
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