...just me...

I’m sitting now in the Pub and having a pint, waiting for the rugby final game to start.  It’s been a rollercoaster of a journey to start my life here and there are still so many things that I need to sort before I get fully settled. Like resident card. And then I can donate blood here too, I’m so excited!  But I have managed to secure an amazing apartment with great landlord in a spot on location. I’m starting a job next week, in a good company with a good title and salary that I am very happy about. It might be an interesting start, but I just have to remember that they chose me from lots of applicants, and I am the one they chose to be part of the team. I am the one they chose to smoothly run their office. I shouldn’t have specific expectations and first listen, learn and observe. I know my value and experience can greatly benefit the company and the team! I am great with people! I know sometimes I just need to step up and stand my ground, lower my niceties and get things done. Then

I have spent now the first week in Malta and its a bit slower than I imagined it. Living here for sure is very different from being here on holidays. On holidays you relax and if something takes a bit longer, you don't stress, you are on holidays. One needs to get used to the 'island time' a lot of people and businesses are on. My ex-colleague called this month - 'august summer shutdown' which I guess is very accurate considering a lot of people go on holiday, most likely to escape the high heat and high tourism influx. But that makes me question general ways of doing things - if one posts a job offer but then heads out to holiday and has noone else to cover the applications (that to be honest deserves a whole chapter - the new style of job search). Or ways the property market is managed by flat owners and agents. I personally find it crazy that you would have owner who is also willing to pay half of the rent in agency fees. I guess it is a sort of security for them

-that I will fail -that I will get hurt -that I will be uncomfortable -that I won't be liked STOP feeling sorry for yourself. make a change. if you are happy alone, why bother going on dates? is it just to fill the social expectation? or just to meet new people? everyones expectation is that you want something more. or is it? there is no WHEN I have more money there is no WHEN I live in Malta/Latvia I will do this/that make a change NOW don't fool yourself with requirements from society ADMIT to yourself what is it that you want/like noone else actually cares I have to.. want to.. care for me Am I happy alone? Am I happy overweight? Am I happy to have a debt? What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to do in my life? Is there pressure from outside or do I put pressure on myself thinking that others want me to be certain way or do certain things? Is that my imagination?

How much (from 1 to 10) do you accept yourself, have positive thoughts about yourself, have healed your wounds and fully love who you are (authentically)? I think maybe couple of years ago, most probably even couple of months ago, I would not be very accepting of myself. There is always something to work towards and something to improve. And that number would have been 6 (?) but I feel like in last months, years (since having lockdown walks and talks with Jolanta) I have progressed and understand myself better. Have improved my communication with myself and people around me. It is not perfect by any means, but it is better. More open. And I think I am becoming more positive, relaxed person who loves herself and continues to work and improve. So, I think it is a 8.5 now.. Have I healed my wounds? I guess the question would be which wounds, to first know and acknowledge them. Maybe one of the reasons I am not putting myself into a relationship is a fear that I will loose myself again. Th

Haven’t been on a date for a long time. What does one do on a date?  Sitting here, waiting for him, because even though I was a little late, he is late late.  What do I say? Even though I’m great with people, I don’t feel like an extrovert. Isn’t that funny? I read a blog once that you can be introverted extrovert. Or extroverted introvert. Would be interesting to know how does one differ from the other.  / Tataki - Argy / I’m more and more thinking that exploring and moving to Malta is a good thing. Shall I just... (what was the thought here?) ...skip to next morning...  short version - date went well. it was fun! looking forward to Sunday, exploring Hackney or Brixton? long version -  Why there is this weird sensation to show your better self, maybe tell the stories a bit better, act like a better human. You won’t judge me. Maybe. But. Everyone judges everyone. On some level.  Although London has definitely taught me to not take everything personally or allowed me to open up my mind.

What exactly is holding me back? Why I keep on giving myself excuses and allowing myself to be lazy, to take a step back, to give up.  Maybe it comes from the ‘don’t be so hard on yourself, you are doing a good job’. Well, maybe I need to do better, or choose the battles I win or lose. Maybe lose is too strong of a word for this, but I do give up. Like in training yesterday. Why did I let go when Paulo was helping me squat? When I clearly could do two more repetitions. Because yes, it is hard, but it’s not gonna break me. Am I scared of trauma, injury or just failure? If it is failure then clearly by giving up and letting go, I am failing myself. Also, the whole talk about holding myself accountable. How can I ensure that I actually do it? There are no consequences to me not getting up at 5am, or not doing chores in house that one day, or not going to gym the whole Easter weekend (for that I got a bit of consequence, when Paulo said imagine what you could have done if you did train har

I keep coming back to this realisation. Especially listening to couple of podcasts. I try to do too many things at the same time. Therefor none of them are done properly. It's like saying that I am good at multi-tasking. None of us are actually multi-tasking. The best you can do is do something physical (like walking that is happening automatic) and have a conversation or listen to a podcast. And it is good to train the ability to focus on more than one thing, like writing a blog post while listening to lyrical music.  Also, how Simon Sinek says, when you meditate, you calm yourself, you learn to focus on one thing, you learn to avoid distractions, so when you have a conversation with someone, you are not distracted, you can fully focus on the person in front of you.  *PT course *yoga on IG *pull ups & TRX work *crochet *painting  I guess writing this list.. I realise that I have actually started to prioritise.. And all the things that come later in the list are hobbies that I

Alright. So what are the options. Need to call AirBaltic - check if I can adjust the flight to one way, which most likely is gonna be, but will it be cheaper to move it and book another one way flight? Or keep this and loose the return. To change the tickets is 100 euro & buy new one another £100. That's just part one of the adventure of buying tickets. Next in line - Latvia - Dubai - Bali - Kupang: * Airbaltic - Riga - Dubai connection (return flight £600 with luggage 23kg) * Emirates - Dubai - Bali connection (return flight £1500 with luggage 25kg-35kg) * Singapore Air - Dubai - Singapore - Bali connection (return flight £1000 with luggage 30kg) So - return flights Latvia - Dubai - Bali = £2100 * Lion - Bali - Kupang connection (return £200 with luggage 20kg plus extra 5kg) Dates! June 29 London - Riga (Dziesmu Svetki) Thursday - July 20 - Riga - Dubai (weekend with Jolly) Monday/Tuesday - July 24/25 - Dubai - Bali  Wednesday/Thursday - July 26/27 - Bali - Kupang  !!!! Monsoo

Every challenge is a learning opportunity. I'm glad that part of the month is over. It's been quite hard to get over the depression that is constantly floating around work. People don't see the purpose of coming in to office as lots of projects that people were working on have been cancelled/postponed and there is not much one can do in the office space. With breakfast and afternoon tea cancelled, there are less and less people in the office, which makes the space empty.  I have come to terms that there is as much as I can do. So I really need to focus on personal development and research for Indonesia adventure. I think I need to think about it as half a year adventure. Plan it so. And if anything develops and goes the right track, an opportunity pops up and I can benefit greatly by staying or move to another country, why not.  So. Plan. End of June (need to find out how to change AirBaltic flight) sort my belongings and send them to Latvia. Fly to Latvia, enjoy the Song a

-) look back at the month passed Good things *travel to Latvia, productive collective sort of stuff at Miera iela, quality time with sister, brother and dad *personal training sessions and a training plan for next couple of months *meeting and catching up with Kirsty, Ruta, Kat Bad things: *atmosphere at work, redundancies talks *no consistency with eating patterns, workouts and studying -) set intentions for upcoming month Health *keep track of food daily *consistency of 4 workouts a week Business & Career *events management course (filling out assignments) *events proposals for three different type of events Family & Friends *meeting up with Laura *calling Jolanta on weekends Romance & significant other *date with Cliff *attending one Thursday session Finance *sort out clothes, shoes, books, kitchen equipment I could sell *read up on investment opportunities Personal Development *make two yoga stretching/breathing videos on Instagram *fill out Why exercises Fun & Recr

Damn.... So I just looked at finances, and my automatic payments. Just to see how many payments are still left on Leap Academy Personal Trainer course... and it struck me... the realisation I actually booked the course last year March. And I always somehow thought I only booked it in August, so I only wasted couple of months with studies... but actually... it's been almost a year since I booked the course and I have only finished and passed exam on one module... #NOEXCUSES

How can one be in charge of one’s all aspects of one’s life at all times? - healthy eating, fasting and socialising - focusing on one’s work and at the same time, developing oneself within and studying - keeping a minimalistic lifestyle but having all the things to make life more interesting and easy like games and kitchen tech - wanting to have someone but being afraid of loosing oneself - saving money and living life

*What/who inspired you today? The community of HYROX, the competitors, the judges. Motivating and inspiring to do more, to push myself more, to go for it, to slay the race. I think I wanna volunteer for one of the next ones. *What/who brought you comfort? Emma & Tom made me feel comfortable and ready for the race, and it was quite cute that they are together. It's always nice to see someone who belong together.  *What/who brought you joy today? Finishing the race. Even though it took me longer that I thought it would, but I'm happy that I did finish it, but very proud of myself. It brought me happiness finishing each lap, even though some were more walked than ran. And every workout, some made me feel better that others. Very proud of sled push - consistent. Sled pull and burpees were a bit of a shock. Lunges were the ones were I really felt the legs. Overall, long but great day! 

I have been productive this week. Not necessarily at work, but definitely in my personal life. Sorting myself out with some well deserved sports shoes, returning them and then buying the right size.  Organising photo book of my sisters visit. Reading almost every day! Studying almost everyday! Succeeding in fasting. Cooking for myself delicious food, experimenting a little.  Love the playlist I have right now, based on Depeche Mode - In Your Room song. Lots of Depeche Mode, Massive Attack and some not so well known (to me) artists. And I bought tickets to Fox & Badge next event, in March. Vikings: Spring Saga! I'm so excited, now I want to learn more about vikings, maybe watch some series/movies, get some inspiration. Research about Latvian vikings - Curonians, coastal warriors...

 *** Zola Blood - Play Out *** What's the point of launching Spotify AudioBooks if they don't play on the app and you can't open them on desktop? Hawk's Nest is investing in roof - it's amazing and I'm really happy in how good their business is going. Why am I being shy? Stupid? Why do I want and don't want relationship at the same time?

* Serhat Durmus - Hislerim * We are half a month in a new year, and it's started with a bit of rollercoaster of events in personal and business life. It's exciting, a little bit scary and pretty mundane at the same time.  I have already finished one book, almost done with second (The 5am Club), very happy about that. Still sometimes spend time in front of screen, but a lot less than on average last year.  My sister was visiting me last week. Absolutely amazing time, despite the rain. Filled with museum tours, coffee and book shops. Lots of walking around. Lots of pictures. Musical and theatre.  Work has been a little uncertain, but that's nothing new from last year. Keep the head down and keep doing the good work, try to keep positive vibes in office with the people that actually attend it. Even if we put up an event for no money, with supplies we already have, there is not many people in office or ones who would stay after work to do arts & crafts. I'm excited to g